NaPoWriMo #13

napowrimo2009_11

Find prompts here.

Pool


From the gate

we walked up

the rutted road.

The woman in a

county uniform

talked about

undergrowth,

deadfall and

salmon carcasses.

I’d seen a chinook

earlier, much bigger

than the sockeye.

He swamped them as

he slithered through

the riffles.

Fog burned off.

Water dripped

from lichen

in the trees.

A shadow passed,

over then back.

A hawk, hunting.

It’s here she said,

pointing.

I stepped up

the narrow trail,

looked down the

narrow fall of water.

The pool, an

open eye,

bright turquoise,

in the shadowed rocks.

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5 Comments

Filed under NaPoWriMo2009, Poetry

5 responses to “NaPoWriMo #13

  1. Vasilly

    I love that. “A pool, an open eye.” Is it hard to write something everyday?

  2. I take it that you wrote this yourself? It’s very nice. That whole last line is perfect.

    “The pool, an

    open eye,

    bright turquoise,

    in the shadowed rocks.”

    May I suggest that the comma after turquoise is not needed. Sorry, it’s the editor in me. :)

  3. You take me with you, every step of the way to the final revelation of the pool with its ‘open eye/bright turquoise’.

    ‘Fog burned off.
    Water dripped
    from lichen
    in the trees.’

    This struck me because I’d never thought of fog that way, but it does look like smoke. It contrasts beautifully with the water dripping from the lichen.

  4. this creates such a wonderful sensual impression, I feel as if I was actually there. I also love the deceptive simplicity of expression – ordinary words, but they make such a rich and complex vision.

  5. Vasilly – Thank! It is hard writing every day, some days it just doesn’t work (like today):)

    Sandra – Thank you for your kind comments. Oops. I guess I need an editor, didn’t mean to leave that comma in there!

    Carole – Thank you so much. I really admire your writing.

    Sarah – Thank you, I love the way you string words together in your poems.

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